FREE: 7 Building Blocks Infographic
The 7 Building Blocks provide a clear framework for fulfilling our sacred mission as parents. The building blocks work together to build and maintain connection between parent and child, to foster a rich family faith and Christian identity, and to prepare the family to serve as a sanctuary for those beyond our doors.
Want to learn more? My book, Discipleship Parenting: Planting the Seeds of Faith, explores how the 7 building blocks can empower disciple-parents as they evangelize their own children.
1. Love
- A child’s first relationships create an internal working for all her relationships later in life, including her relationships with God. We want our children to grow up taking God’s love for granted. This means we want our children to be able to take our love for granted. We don’t want them to believe they have to earn our love.
- Children are born with a natural yearning to be close to us. As babies, they mostly feel close through their five senses, particularly by being held and fed by us. As they grow up, in ideal circumstances they become capable of holding on to us and feeling close to us in other ways: through a sense of sameness to us, belonging with us, being significant to us, emotional closeness to us, and feeling truly known by us. (These are Gordon Neufeld’s 6 phases of attachment.)
- As somebody with emotional wounds and defenses, I have a heart for parents who fear their mistakes will ruin their children. Parenting more than any other experience brings our brokenness to the surface. The good news: It’s possible to give our children what we don’t have ourselves, and in the process, we find our own healing.
2. Balance
- As Catholic parents, we recognize that time is a gift from God. We use our time to glorify him and fulfill his will. Our calendars belong to God! When we are feeling overwhelmed and frazzled, if we reflect on our choices we may realize we are responding to society’s expectations for our family rather than God’s. In reality, we will always have time to fulfill God’s will for us!
- Inspired by the monastic tradition, we can strive to balance work, play, and prayer in our homes. Each family member can contribute to the upkeep of the home and meal preparations, as is appropriate for their developmental age. Even very young children enjoy being included in these routines with small jobs, like helping unload the dishwasher, mopping, or dusting.
- Living a balanced Catholic family life does not mean we tidy our family’s away from the world where we’ll never be sullied by the messiness of human experience. It means we live simply and humbly, allowing time for family connection, prayer, and renewal.
3. Play
- Play is one of the most important ways children connect to us, work through their fears and frustrations, and build their self-confidence. Despite the pressure to fill a child’s schedule with “enrichment” activities, parents can take the lead and preserve free time in their child’s life.
- Playing together as a family builds rapport and protects connection.
- Play can be hard for some parents. However, all humans need play, not just children. The good news: kids are play experts! Allow them to show you how to play again.
4. Merciful Discipline
- The heart of effective discipline is the connection between parent and child. Without a secure connection, discipline will be a frustrating power struggle.
- The goal of effective discipline is for the child to build a conscience and self-control, not to break the child’s will or to coerce obedience through threats.
- “Problem” behavior is rarely a sign that a child is bad or damaged. Usually, they’re trying to get a need met, or they’re struggling to express their emotions responsibly because they’re still immature. On the other hand, sin is real; we want our children to understand how their choices impact their relationships with others, including God. Using virtue training and positive discipline tools, we can shepherd our children toward maturity while teaching then how to protect their relationships and grow spiritually.
5. Empathy
- Empathy is the gift we use to know another person. It allows us to consider their perspective or to feel what they feel. It helps us care for one another. Today, children are becoming less empathic, despite “empathy training” in schools.
- Emotionally healthy children don’t need to be taught to care; it comes naturally to them in the right circumstances. But we can coach our children in how to care: how to hold a baby, how to feed a pet, how to see a sibling’s point of view, how to resolve disagreements with a friend.
- The best way to raise an empathic child is to treat her with empathy; this is simple modeling. We tend to treat others the way our attachment figures treat us. We can nurture a child’s “caring brain” by filling her attachment cup to overflowing and being an emotion coach.
6. Radiant Faith
- Your family can enjoy a shared faith life that’s alive and radiant, a faith that becomes a tremendous witness to other families of the truth and beauty of Christ’s message.
- Allow your home to reflect the abundant joy and hope of our Catholic Faith. Learn about the Christian virtues together; explore and celebrate feast days and saints days with crafts, tea parties, and sharing books together; develop a family prayer plan and pray together regularly. Practice the corporal and spiritual works of mercy alongside your children both within your home and in your community.
- Children, especially young ones, will absorb our attitudes about attending Mass and growing in the Faith. If we’re excited and enthusiastic, it’ll be contagious! We can help our children see both the obligations and the opportunities of living out our Faith. The heart of our Faith is love and hope, and the opportunity for transformation and renewal.
7. A Strong Marriage
- Our family will only be as stable and healthy as our marriage, so it deserves our attention. God intends for spouses to be a safe harbor for one another, not the source of storms!
- Your marriage models for your children how to treat others in close, intimate relationships. Speak about and to your spouse with deep regard and love; perform little acts of kindness to make his or her life easier. Be willing to serve even in small ways.
- You and your spouse are called to help one another on your paths to heaven. See your spouse the way Christ does, as a precious and priceless soul on a journey to a Divine Destination.
Remember, please, that I’m presenting here an ideal! Nobody is perfect, least of all me. We all have limitations and every family hits rough patches. Also, anytime we gain new insights about ourselves and our parenting, it often takes a while to implement a change. It’s part of the human condition! But comprehending these ideals can help us move toward wholeness personally and as a family with God’s help. We really can live out our family mission in the world. God urges us to aim high! Just start with small efforts in one or two areas, and offer your longings to God for your family in prayer.