When I returned to the Church many years ago, I had a very gloomy image of Lent. In particular, I perceived Lenten sacrifices as something to dread. Like a punishment. I am grateful that my spiritual director helped me understand Lenten sacrifices in a relational way. This was a huge game-changer for me.
He explained that quite often our attachments to things or behaviors get in the way of our relationship with others, including God. So we make a special effort during Lent to put aside these attachments so they don’t distract us from caring for our relationships (and ourselves). This dying to the self is a practice that we will continue for our entire lives, but Lent is a good time for a special “house cleaning”; we can pause and really look at where we are with God.
Isn’t this marvelous way of explaining Lenten sacrifices?
I’ve learned since then that Lenten sacrifices are also a means for charitable giving. Traditionally, Christians abstained from meat during Lent partly so that they could use the money they saved on meat to give to the poor, to those who couldn’t afford meat. This makes so much sense. And so not gloomy!
So over the years and across many Lents, with my own kids, I try to remind them of this deeper meaning of Lenten sacrifices. We sacrifice things that are hurting our relationships or are preventing us from growing closer to God, and we can also use the money we save on desserts or toys to meet a need in our community.
I’ve avoided sending the message to my kids that I seemed to absorb when I was young: “Jesus suffered, so we want to suffer with him.” While identifying with the suffering Jesus is a spiritual goal for Christians, for me, it seems not the best place to start with children when introducing them to the great season of Lent.
So, I do with my own young directees as my spiritual director did with me when I returned to the Church: I talk to them about the things in their lives that are making it harder for them to love themselves, other people, and God. I try to lead them in love, mindful of their developmental limitations and strengths, how to practice little sacrifices in these areas. I teach these lessons in the context of their growing affection for Jesus.
You might already be “tipped out” about Lent, but I thought I would offer some ideas for coming alongside your children to help them understand and practice Lenten sacrifices!
Give Up Bad Habits
To help them love Jesus, others, and themselves better, for Lent perhaps your child could give up (or at least work really hard at kicking) a bad habit that impacts his relationships. This would be great for teenagers! Eye rolling, sighing, whining when they don’t get their way; interrupting, sassing, teasing, arguing with siblings.
Giving Play Time to a Sibling
A great idea to foster greater love and mercy between siblings: older siblings can offer play time to their younger siblings. Young kids love it when big sibs play games with them, but the older kids often don’t enjoy things younger kids do. As my own kids got older, this was often an increasing source of sadness for the youngest kids.
We can explain to our big kids that sometimes we do things that another person wants to do because we love them, even if we aren’t particularly fond of the activity. So an older sibling could spend one hour a week (or 15 minutes a day – whatever he decides) teaching his younger sibling how to play soccer, playing board games, or taking him to the park.
A similar idea: Your children can allow another sibling to have “visiting hours” with their own toys. Sometimes siblings are possessive and don’t want to share, so we can foster gratitude and generosity by helping them share for some specified time or on a particular day. Perhaps they could even trade toys with one another.
Sacrifice Beads
If a child can’t think of any particular sacrifice, try sacrifice beads. Fish Eaters has a good explanation. Inspired by St. Therese’s childhood practice, the child has a string of 10 beads that move along the string toward a crucifix. Each time the child offers a sacrifice or an act of love for somebody, she moves one of the beads. You can make your own set of beads or purchase them. When you see your child practicing a virtue or offering an act of kindness, you can remind her about her beads.
Donating Toys to Charity
Instead of putting away their toys in a box, then taking them out again on Easter morning, perhaps each week during Lent, your child can pick a toy to donate to charity. Explain that we sometimes let go of things that other people need more than we do because we love them. Some families do “40 days, 40 bags” over Lent. They fill 40 bags with clothing, toys, and other needed items to donate to charity.
However we approach it, I think it’s a great idea to take the children along to the charity shop where we’re taking the donations, so the children can see the good they are doing. I remind my kids that something they feel “meh” about will be a great blessing to another child.
When a Child Freaks Out About Sacrifices
Does the idea of suggesting to your child that he share or donate toys make you break out in hives because you know he will freak out? Some very young children are genuinely distressed at such suggestions. I think children should only sacrifice their toys (or food or whatever) if they understand why they are doing it.
Know that in many families, children don’t begin making traditional Lenten sacrifices (where they choose something to give up) until after their First Communion. Here are some great alternatives to sacrifices:
Reverse Sacrifice
You might suggest a “reverse Lenten sacrifice”: your child could take something on instead of giving something up. (The suggestion above that an older child offer to play with the younger child is an example of a reverse sacrifice.) Ask your child if she would like to offer a Hail Mary each day for a sick relative or if she would like to help with the dishes every night as an “I love you” deed. You could let your child keep a sacrifice bean jar (free printables for your jar from Catholic Icing!). Each time she offers her prayer or does her act of love, your child can put a bean in the jar. Then on Easter morning, you replace the beans with jelly beans!
Family Sacrifices
Each year, my family chooses a sacrifice that we all make together, in addition to personal sacrifices. In the past, we’ve given up ice cream, eating out, and television. For the last few years, our family fasted from screens on Fridays, so we do not use screens for anything other than school purposes.
You could try something similar. Your very small kids could practice a sacrifice with the whole family, while older kids and adults also do personal sacrifices.
Kathryn Whitaker offers these lovely (free!) printable “sacrifice” cards that you can use as a family.
Kathryn suggests putting the cards in a basket on the table, and drawing one card a day. Her whole family practices that daily sacrifice in addition to their personal sacrifices. Some of the cards are group activities, while others could be used by a single child.
Image credit: Paulus Rusyanto (Dreamstime.com)