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Recently I watched a YouTube video by Fr. Mike Schmitz in which he explains why it’s not okay to feel sorry for ourselves. Yes, it’s okay to feel disappointment or sadness when life doesn’t go our way, but for Catholic Christians, it is not okay to wallow in self-pity.
In this episode, I consider Fr. Mike’s point. As parents, how do we handle losses without becoming stuck in them? Where’s the line between self-care and self-pity? How do we pass on these lessons to our kids?
Here’s an overview of the show:
- Not a problem: When life doesn’t go our way, it’s natural to feel sad or disappointed. This is okay and even healthy. Allowing ourselves to feel what we need to feel about setbacks helps us in the process of adjusting, letting go, and growing.
- The problem: But to become stuck in those feelings of disappointment will lead us down the wrong road. People who wallow in self-pity can become depressed and lose perspective. Their world shrinks down to a me-sized box.
- Letting go of self-pity: Fr. Mike’s insight: we can’t always change our circumstances, but we can control how we respond to them. We can cultivate gratitude and look outside ourselves to care for others. We can experience gratitude even in our suffering when we begin to see God working through it.
- Kid tips: Children are rarely mature enough to overcome self-pity without our help. They need our help when they’re becoming stuck in self-pity.
Resources
Feeling Sorry for Yourself by Fr. Mike Schmitz. The YouTube video that inspired this episode.
Tears of Futility. My article explaining why our children need to feel their disappointment in the face of loss or setbacks.
The Light Shines on in the Darkness: Transforming Suffering through Faith by Fr. Robert Spitzer. Book mentioned. God can use our suffering to lead us to Christ.
The Little Book of Holy Gratitude by Fr. Frederick Faber. This is a wonderful book for inspiring gratitude in every situation. Yes, we can be grateful even for our troubles.
Image credit: Atikinka (dreamtime.com)