As we head into Thanksgiving week (and then into the Advent season -WOW!), now is a great time to review the virtue of courtesy with our children.
Courtesy is excellence in manners and decorum, particularly in social exchanges. It’s necessary for the smooth running of society and makes life more pleasant. Think of the difference it makes to your day when somebody greets you with a smile or says “after you” when you approach the door at the same time.
In his beautiful article on courtesy, Donald DeMarco observes:
The courteous person assumes that every man is a gentleman and every woman is a lady and treats them accordingly. In doing so, a person displays the mark of a gentleman or a lady. It may seem naïve and gratuitous to make such an assumption, but it is remarkable how many people begin to act as gentlemen and ladies simply because they were thought to be worthy of respect.
If we treat other people like lamps or jerks, well, that’s probably how they’ll act! When we treat others with dignity, they are more likely to behave with dignity.
Here are a few reminders for the kiddos this week:
Say Hello
Children can learn to politely greet and welcome guests as they arrive. Some basic greeting etiquette when the guest is not somebody the child sees daily:
- If you are seated, stand up to greet a guest entering the room.
- Make eye contact when welcoming your guest.
- Say hello and use the guests name. Smile!
The Art of Conversation
If your kids are old enough, you can give them tips on carrying on a conversation with somebody they don’t know well.
- Be curious! Ask the guest questions about his or her family or interests.
- Wait your turn to talk. Don’t interrupt when others are speaking.
- Listen to what the guest is saying, and follow up with questions about what he or she said.
If you struggle to get your kids to talk, I did a whole podcast on how parents can engage kids in conversation so they become good conversationalists.
Table Manners
Before guests come over for dinner, remind your kids about basic table manners.
- Wait until after grace and the cook sits down before eating.
- Place your napkin in your lap.
- Chew with your mouth closed.
- Take small enough bites that you can swallow within five seconds to carry on a conversation.
- Engage in conversation at the table with everyone.
- Don’t complain about the food. Compliment the cook on what you do like.
- Offer to help clear the table.
The most important etiquette rule is to be respectful and kind to guests.
More Resources
- Video: Open Light Media’s video “What Is Courtesy?” would be a great way to introduce this virtue to children. I particularly love the point about listening while others are talking. We could all use that reminder nowadays.
- Emily Post’s Guide to Good Manners for Children. I’ve had this book for years. It covers many different situations with advice appropriate for children. A good reference to have on your family bookshelf.
- Courtesy printable: I’ve been making printable virtue cards for my Facebook followers. These are very concise explanations of specific virtues along with ideas for practicing them. Here is one for courtesy. Print it out and post it somewhere your kids will notice it (near the sink in the bathroom, on the fridge door, or over their computer screen).
God bless you, friends!