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In my last show on tantrums in older kids, I introduced the concept of the alpha complex, which I learned about in this class at the Neufeld Institute. In this show, I explore the alpha complex further, fleshing out the 5 primary ways an alpha complex might manifest in our kids.
Here’s an outline of the show:
- Alpha instinct reviewed: Alpha instincts are very healthy and necessary. All humans have alpha instincts. However, these instincts can become perverted so that they no longer serve their purpose.
- Alpha and attachment: The alpha instincts only make sense in the context of attachment. Our child’s yearnings to have his attachment needs met create in us a desire to be the answer to those needs. It’s a hierarchical dance of dependency (in the child) and caretaking (in the parent).
- Types of alpha kids:
- the bossy alpha (controlling kids)
- the competitive alpha (kids who want to win for winning’s sake at any cost)
- the demanding alpha (kids who try to orchestrate how the parent parents them)
- the bully alpha (kids who recognize vulnerability in others, but instead of responding with care, they move to exploit the vulnerability)
- the helper alpha (kids who are caring toward others, but their caring comes from a place of unrest or alarm; they need to be needed and they can’t allow others to care for them)
Resources
Alpha Children at the Neufeld Institute. A great class that lays out the alpha dynamic, how it manifests in children, and what to do about it.
Does Your Child Have an Alpha Complex? by Gordon Neufeld (short article).
Friend or Parent? by Joseph Atkinson. Article mentioned on the show. Atkinson shows an intuition for the alpha dynamic in this article. He explains that all of creation is arranged in a hierarchy of care.